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Day 73 – Let It Be

November 22, 2011

Anxiety, excitement and anticipation are cousins. I am glad that I’m not too sad today. Just a little bit. A little remnant of stuff, like when you break a glass and clean up the mess and there are only slight little slivers left on the ground.

My apartment is bright and sunny. I rested well last night. My stomach doesn’t hurt today.  Coming back into integrity with myself, like a chiropractic adjustment. Life seems new again. Isn’t that a trip? Life is always new again, every day. So, in this chapter, this blossoming chapter, this new thing before  a new book, before I become whoever it is that I am going to be after this, I’d like to take my time to cherish my growth and pay attention to the unfoldment that is taking place…

I would like to revel in the sun for a moment and give thanks to the Creator for the creation of the sun, for this thing called life with all of its ups and downs. I forgive him now. You know, I thought I wanted to teach him a lesson, hold on to my anger so that I can shake him around and tell him what a mess he’s making, show up at his house and cuss him out, but  it’s not my place. People have their own paths to take. It would be great if one day they said “I’m sorry” and if they learned something or became better or if we got reparations in some form or fashion for the wrongs that have been done to us, and sometimes that happens. But sometimes it doesn’t.

I have been in the ocean waiting for a hand to save me, so heavy with the weight of so much pain, so many debts owed to me. Such a victim I have been. But if I can let go of all of that, just let it go, relieve them of their debt of “I’m sorry”, relieve myself of the weight that all of that owingness has put on me, I will find that I can float. I have my own breath. I can swim. I have my own hands. And with my feet, I can get out of the ocean and build boats. The miracle is already here. We are the miracles. We are the saviors we have been waiting for.

I am thankful because I realize that I don’t have to hate Dream Lover or anyone, not even myself. I can just let things be what they are.  I am thankful because I don’t think I will be depressed for any significant period of time ever again in my life. I am thankful because, just like that, my heart has opened wider when I thought that it would become closed. I am thankful for your protection, Lord.  I don’t have to trick myself or program my mind with affirmations. I know in this instant that everything is good. I don’t have to wonder if he will ever come back as a changed man or where I will end up. I know that as I set my intention, so shall my life become.

Dear Lord, you have broken my heart alive today and you have reminded me of the Love so precious that lives in me. This disappointment is a small thing compared to the compassion within me. I can be nice again! I can laugh again! I can smile and be productive and give my gifts again! How is it hat I feel so safe, God, when I should be heartbroken? You say don’t ask, just let it be. Just let it be…

Day 73

Let It Be

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From → How To Blossom

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