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Day 70 – Stay Up

November 17, 2011

I’m up all night tonight, doing stuff. Feeling rather tired, eyes wanting to close, body sagging, heart not aching but scared to beat… staying up tonight.

He Loves me, but he doesn’t…  I still got work to do. The prospect of staying up, getting it done, finishing once and for all, makes me feel like a kid with a big secret. I can do it, mommy! I can do it! I can stay up any way!

This little moment will pass. This little time will not even be remembered for the strain and the pain. Instead, I will think of the night that I didn’t give in, the night that I didn’t give up, the time when, against my first thought, I chose to continue and do what needs to be done anyway.

The gift is in remembering. The poem is in the doing. This time I’ve got a good thing. I’ve got me. Not like some angry woman, but like a girl who looks at her eyes in the mirror for the first time and remembers her name. Fatigue has become encouragement and anxiety is transmuting itself into excitement. My name is passion and playful tonight, just in this simple decision.

Miracles, I am embrace you. Waters, I allow you. Love, I shall be you yet! Gifts, I am a reservoir and an ocean… Joy, I feel you hiding behind my lips. You have my permission to come back to Life now…

I won’t sleep tonight… Good God Almighty, I got off that bed! It means anything is possible. Anything is possible. Anything is possible…

Day 70

Stay Up

From → How To Blossom

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