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Day 69 – Do Your Part

November 16, 2011

I’m back in the big city. Another world. Another planet, it seems. Wooden floors, ambition, constant go…

Home was different. Loved, loved, loved being with my brothers and sisters again. Mom is different… Changed from her experience. Not quite sure where she’s gonna’ land once the dust settles…

So many different lives we live. I’m over here so focused on these different ambitions. That’s what keeps me getting off the bed every day. Other people have dreams of Heaven. Parents keep it moving so they can care for their kids. Lovers inspire each other to want to live more…

Dream Lover is on my mind. I thought he was “the one”. But he’s not. Isn’t a trip? How you can think a thing is a thing and then find out it’s not what you thought? I wanted to be right this time. I wanted to say, “Yes, I made a good choice. I have a good Love. My heart is finally safe somewhere…” But it didn’t happen. I’m thinking of the song, “This time we got a good love. This time we got something special. This time we gonna’ do it, do it, put our minds to it, ’till we get it right”. I wanted to be able to sing that song with someone who was ready to sing it with me, but it didn’t happen. It just didn’t happen. Mind boggling…

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a dead person, but when my father died, I remember looking at his body and thinking, “How could he be dead? I mean, how is he dead when his body is right here? How is that possible?” I was in shock, but not really. It just didn’t make sense to my brain. One minute he was alive and then he was dead. Like now. It just doesn’t make much sense that I won’t be with Dream Lover when I wanted to be with him so much. I can’t understand how it is possible for this kind of thing to happen, but it happens every day. I was wrong.

I need to say that again so I can believe it. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I have been wrong about others before, and it’s not their fault. I’m not even mad at them. But I’m sad, Lord. I’m tired of being wrong. And I don’t want to be broken anymore. I don’t want to be crying on the bed and not doing the work that I am to do, but it’s hard to smile when your heart is breaking, Lord. It’s hard to blossom when you feel so disappointed.

Do It Anyway, You say. Ha. You’ve got all the answers… OK. I’m not doing the depressed thing anymore and I don’t want to be an ice queen, so I guess, considering the life I am trying to create, I don’t have many options. Do it any way. And about this Love thing? Don’t worry about it, You say.  But I miss it. You say It is on its way. You say I can not see the millions of intentions of all the souls of the world tonight. Somewhere, someone is praying my prayer tonight. Someone is setting his intention in the same direction as me. The magic is happening under ground even as I write these words. So keep doing what I am doing. He is fabulous and strong and kind and compassionate… He exists. Love exists. Do you not see your dear friend who spoke to you so kindly today? Love exists. Don’t you worry about him… Yes,  you have all these dreams and ambitions. Others want to pray all day and stay away from all the busyness of the world, and still others simply want to sit and watch. Some want to talk about Love from the outside and some want to give it all for Love. It’s all OK. You all have your parts you play.

Look around you. This inspiration you have is not a product of your environment. This is your part. This is a part of who you are, should you so choose it to be. You have already chosen to be who you are, and I have blessed you with the strength, wisdom, and determination to actualize that choice. Now do your part. I am with You. Your time is now…

OK God. I’m listening…

Day 69

Do Your Part

From → How To Blossom

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