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Day 66 – Be About It

November 9, 2011

This evening I went looking up folks on Facebook, and I found the page of the one guy that I wanted to be with who had ever rejected me. He used to be a real cocky unhappy something, and when I looked on his page, it seemed like his life had transformed. He looked all nice and happy and humble and he seemed to be living the kind of life that he had talked about creating years ago… I’m happy for him.

A long, long time ago ex invited me to meet up for dinner with him tonight. I didn’t go. I heard his tone under the words he spoke and what he was really saying is “let’s get back together”.

Now I’m sitting in my room after about three days of being on “go”, and I’m glad to have this time to reflect.

And what’s on my mind is the words that the man who didn’t want me told me years ago. At the time, I was at the beginning of my life falling apart. We were losing the house that we had bought for my mom, I seemed to be flunking out of grad school, I was new to the “big city” and I was surrounded by guys who wanted these “big city” relationships, where you’re never really in a relationship but you kind-of are. I was telling the man who didn’t want me how I wanted to do all this stuff with my life, and he told me, in so many words, to stop talking about it and do it.

I’m so glad to see that he is doing it. He looks better than ever… It’s inspiring to see people make profound positive changes in their lives… I’d like to be like him one day. I am already becoming like him, but I’m going to step it up a notch now. It really doesn’t take that long to change your life. My life has changed profoundly in the course of three months, and I’m just getting started.

My Dream Lover has gotten back in touch and keeps telling me about what a dream life we are going to have, but I’m tired of hearing him talk now. I mean, he sounds lovely, but talk is cheap, and too much cheap talk without action will leave you broke. Not interested. I was afraid to tell him that he needs to take some actions and step it up a notch because, to be honest, I’ve never met anyone who seemed more perfectly matched for me and was actually interested in being  with me, but the truth is, I can’t be in a sorry relationship anymore. I’m too good for all that. Literally. As Ntozage Shange said, “My Love is too sanctified to have thrown back in my face”… He ain’t acting right and that’s OK. I did my best. I really, really did my best at being open and Loving and I didn’t even ‘cuss him out when I was mad. I didn’t cheat on him, not even in my thoughts, and I held a space for him…

So, this is how you live life, You say. Love him anyway, and be thankful, whether he is doing the things you like or not. Set the tone for your life and stick to it and the rest will fall into place. Do your part and leave the rest to Me. This is what is called faith. This is how you live with no regrets. Do your part and stay open. Be about the words you speak…

So, in this spirit of the man who told me to get up off my *ss and stop talking, I’m going to end this writing for the night and get some other work done.. . One step at a time, baby. One step at a time…

Day 66

Be About It

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From → How To Blossom

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