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Day 67 – Stop Waiting

November 12, 2011

I’m in the South today. All the fams is getting together to be there for my mom when she comes back from her pilgrimage…

Completely different vibe all the way. Suburbs. Kids riding bikes. Trees and big clean streets with very few sidewalks and fewer homeless people. Not so much to do around here, except spend time with each other or watch TV. Everyone has a flat screen and even the ghetto housing is big and spacious. Good, fatty food places everywhere. Big portions. Everything is bigger here.

But it’s quiet. I like quiet, but it’s a different kind of quiet here. Settled. So much different than the busy, active, ambitious big city life. I’m not sure which one I like better…

Debating about whether to go out of the country soon or stay in my good old US of A. I think I’m going but I’ve got to work out the financials. Dream Lover called again. He says he wants to go with me, but I think he’s lying. Why is he always lying to me? Better yet, why do I continue to let him?

I’m supposed to be waiting for him to decide when “soon” is; when he is going to arrive in my city, when we are going to go to Africa, when we are going to get together. He disappears and then reappears, tells me everything I’ve ever dreamed of hearing, makes promises about “soon” and then never comes through. All the while I sit and wait and hope… I feel a bit stupid right now.

It happens, I guess. We get stuck on the promise of something. I guess wisdom is knowing when to act and when to sit still. I feel disempowered waiting for him. I feel stupid. I can’t tell anyone about our relationship because it sucks. I really don’t know what his issue is, but at the end of the day, no matter how you spin it, moving forward with me is just not the most important thing to him. Resentment developing. Distrust already planted deep. Don’t want these feelings. How about I do something different now? Leave him alone. Continue to live my life. Falling out of Love. Makes me sad a bit because I like being in Love, but I like being happy more than I like being in Love…

My ex fiance once sent me a horrible email in which he entitled it “Here’s to Moving Forward”. In the email, he put a picture of the engagement ring that he said he got for me and told me that he’s taking it back and moving forward…

Sometimes the people that you want to ride along with in life just aren’t ready to ride with you. You can sit still. Maybe it’s worth it. Sometimes sitting still kills you, though, and you have to move forward. I have to go now… Here’s to moving forward.

Day 67

Stop Waiting

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From → How To Blossom

One Comment
  1. 13dice permalink

    Read this in your blog and had to comment:

    “We get stuck on the promise of something. I guess wisdom is knowing when to act and when to sit still. I feel disempowered waiting for him. I feel stupid. I can’t tell anyone about our relationship because it sucks.”

    You can very well step up and take some action: … Does he know what you hate about your relationship? My 2 cents, you let the world know only when both of you are comfortable doing so.

    From this post, it looks like what a relationship means for the two of you is very different. May be more time together and understanding each other better might be the way to go. May be the two of you change a bit when you are with each other, the potential for a great life together seems to be there, hope it works out for you. Some things are non-negotiable and unacceptable for the rest there should be a way around. Do your part and all the best

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