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Day 55 – Life Goes On

October 9, 2011

I’m up before the sun again. This time of day is so invigorating and peaceful.

I was going to go to my spiritual center today, but I think instead I will make my actions a demonstration of  the things I learn there today. I didn’t finish that last 14 pages yet. In my zeal and zest yesterday, I stayed up for a whopping 40 hours straight cleaning, cooking, etc. and then I crashed and spent most of the day sleeping. So I am well rested now and I know it will be done.

This is going to be good, this experiment with life. I woke up today with a lovely text from my mom. I haven’t told her about any of these blogs yet. I was scared. She might not approve of me exposing myself to the world. She might get sad if she knew all of the internal things I had been through. She might ask me why I would do such a thing… She’s going on a major spiritual pilgrimage at the end of this month, though, so I will tell her right before she leaves… lol.

I was talking to my sis about my past last night, and I went online and found a pic of the woman that the first man I ever loved cheated on me with. She’s still pretty. My first love was much older than me and she was much older than him. I was eighteen when I met him and he always used to compare me to her and tell me how I wasn’t mature and I wasn’t “a woman”. He also used to tell me how much he didn’t love her… Right now I am the age that she was when they had their affair. I wonder if she saw my pic and thought I was young and pretty. I wonder if she found someone that would Love her for real. I wonder if he ever stopped cheating and got it together… I remember being 22 and thinking “why me?” Why did I have to love him? I cried and cried and went through all the motions the people do, but then I got over him. And life went on.

Ahh, so I do have something for today. Life goes on. He has grey hairs now. She has a beautiful son from him. I am a writer in California and one day I will marry a man who Loves me for real and won’t cheat on me. A man who doesn’t think I’m too immature or too old and a man who can appreciate a good thing when he has it. For a while, I thought that I would end up being an old maid, but that’s not my lot. God is a good God and I have too much love to give.

I’d like to share a story with you this morning. I didn’t write it, but I like it.

“A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It apeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterffly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest off its life crawling around with a swollen body and shrieled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as stong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength… And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.. And God gae me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity…And God gave me Brain and Brain to work

I asked for Courage….And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love…And God gave me troubled people to help.

I ased for Favors… And G0d gave me opportunities

I received nothing I wanted

I received Everything I needed!”

-Author unknown

May God bless you with unspeakable joy, not only in the world to come, but in this world also.

Life goes on. Let it.

Day 55

Life Goes On

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