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Day 34 – Be Clear About What You’d Like to Create

September 8, 2011

My hands are tingling again.

Last a night I watched a friend of mine (I have a new friend!) cry over the realization that her lover probably didn’t care about her as much as she cared about him. She had told him that she needed him to help her with something. She was really afraid and just wanted his comfort. He essentially told her that he didn’t feel like being there for her, and she was devastated. I got the impression that this kind of thing had happened before.

I wanted to talk to her, ask her about her relationship, give her advice, etc., but instead I just sat there with her as she cried. She knew what was going on, and so did I. There was no need for lectures.

We all know when we’re not happy. We know when something just isn’t right, and we know when we are in relationships where one person wants or is ready for something different than the other. Someone wants to be in love and the other just wants a sex buddy. One person wants a commitment and their partner is not ready or interested in that. We get with folks who have announced, declared and showed us in every form and fashion that they are not willing or able to give us what we need, or we are on the other side of the pimp cycle and get with someone who we are not wiling to give to, and then we sit around and try to change each other into what we want.

For various reasons, we settle for relationships that are much less than honest. We don’t love folks, but we keep them around so at least we have someone to eat dinner with. We are not willing to give them what they want, but, hey, we’re not willing be alone either, so we just lie to all parties involved, including ourselves.

We don’t realize that we are wasting time. We don’t realize that we are learning to ignore our true feelings and become disconnected from each other. We don’t realize that we are dying little by little every time we pretend that we are OK when we are not. We don’t see the damage we are doing to each other…

An old friend of mine once told me that throughout our relationship he had made an intention to make me feel Loved, beautiful and special. In retrospect, I can see clearly that his actions towards me at that time reflected his intentions.

I think we owe it to each other to be clear about what we are trying to create. Our hearts are at stake…

Day 34

Be Clear About What You’d Like to Create

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