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Day 25 – Take Time to Clear Your Mind

August 29, 2011

I’ve got the internet again.

And i got a bed yesterday which will be delivered in a couple hours.

I’ve been in the apartment most of this morning and spent a long time praying and meditating. I didn’t grow up meditating, but my parents taught us about prayer at a young age. When i was younger, i never really understood why people prayed, but now i can’t understand how people make it through the day without taking a moment to reflect.

I guess prayer, meditation, and reflection are not neccessarily the same thing, but to me they are correlated. With all this moving around, it had been about two weeks since i sat down for some real prayer, and i don’t think i want to go that long without getting connected again.

The speaker at my spiritual center suggested that we take a moment every day to clear our minds, ask to know the truth and  to be available to accept and live the truth. It took a while for me this morning because there is so much going on in my surface mind, but i was finally able to get to a place where my mind just shut up and for a moment i realized that in any given moment, anything is possible.

I imagined that i was giving myself a lobotomy, and i looked at all of the things that were going through my head, thoughts of anger, betrayal, unforgiveness, despair. I also saw the other things floating around: hope, love, faith, happiness was even over there. But the negative thoughts were rooted really deep, in between the mushy brain things, and the positive thoughts were just floating around. They didn’t have much space to take root.

So i imagined that i was a mother, planting a new garden, and i looked at all the mushy bad things. One by one i took them out.  I took out this big “victim” thing that had been rooted like right in the center of my brain. It was surrounded with all of my resentments towards so many men, and it was fluid and brown, like an umbilical chord. I held and i asked everyone, all of them, to forgive me. I know i have hurt a lot people, whether wilingly or unwillingly. I forgave them as well. It wasn’t that hard because i wanted to forgive them. When i took out the pain, there was an empty space. The good stuff was still floating around, not planted in my brain yet.

I went ahead and took out other things, too. My deep-rooted sadness. It was sleeping in a little space, but it didn’t put up much of a fight when i asked it to leave. It actually seemed a little cramped…

I am better today. The experiment is working. I am coming out of the muck for good. Thank you God.

Day 25

Take Time To Clear Your Mind

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