Jumbled thoughts being sorted out. I’m at a retreat. It was a two week commitment. 4 days left. Land Stewardship. I fell in Love. With a man. He’s not really showing that he’s interested in me.
I met new people. So many of them. I met an old person who just happened to be doing a workshop at this retreat. This retreat is a seven hour drive away from where both of us live… I am feeling very, very happy. Loved somehow, even though the man I fell in love with doesn’t love me.
I am in a cohort of ten women. None of them look like me nor come from my racial nor cultural background. Most of them are at least ten years younger than me, but they think I’m their age… We have been bonding and sharing our lives. I have been living a dream.
Today I planted onions in the ground. Onion seedlings look like strands of hair. A group of seven of us made rows, took the seedings out of their seedling homes and transplanted the onion seedlings into the ground.
I started the day on my cycle. It wasn’t so bad, but it was emotionally bad for a few hours. Very uncomfortable. My head got tight. I thought about love and my family. I thought about the new family that I want to create. I took a looooooooong, long shower. I thought about running away from this place because I had had some challenges the day before and also because I didn’t want my colleagues to see me sick… But I didn’t run away. I stayed.
Instead of getting in my car and driving home, I got in my car and put aloe and castor oil on my head. I meditated. At some point I calmed down.
It is night now. I am in the communal cafeteria. Going to do a little writing and sort my thoughts before heading in to sleep. Writing out loud seemed like the better choice than journal this evening. Wanting to be heard and seen. Wanting Love…
That’s really all I have on my mind this evening. I want to share Love with someone now. I don’t believe my heart can be here this lonely for much longer…
You see, my heart has come alive. It’s what I was scared of all this time, but I’m not scared anymore. I feel. So much. And I was scared that if I felt so much that I wouldn’t have anyone to share these feelings with. But I’m not scared anymore. I know that someone will come along. I pray that he comes soon. In the meantime, I will be honest. I will clear space and time for him. Bless you my good friends.
Good night.
Day 590
Welcoming Love
I wrote a long one and deleted. The long one is for another day. The short version is, I love you. I hope you are well. I hope you have the things you need. If you are sick, I hope you heal soon.
I hope that you have the space to think of, and then experience joy. I hope you are safe. In your body. In your mind. In your emotions. I hope life gets better for you and this time it lasts. I hope you look back at the hardest times and use them as stories to tell the ones you share life with now.
I hope, I hope, I hope you feel loved. I hope you share Love.
God Bless you. God Bless you. God Bless you.
Day 589
Hope
Hi guys… It’s over. Everything. In a good way.
I’m sitting at home. My home for the last 12 years and 11 months. In the middle of Los Angeles. City of Angels. In the kitchen, my houseguest is frying plantain. I’m sitting in my self made book nook, my most nourishing spot in the house, and writing this blog.
It just occurred to me that this is also the least used spot in the house. I made it about a year ago or less. Prior to that, this area wasn’t very usable…
I’m moving. Yep. Me. I’m moving out of here. Finally. I have been afraid to move for a long, long time because this has been my only safe space in the world. And my jaw started to tremble a bit when I just wrote “I’m moving”, but I feel a bit more hopeful about the future than afraid. I can’t quite tell you where I’m going yet, but once I get there, I’ll let you know.
But I have begun to wonder who I will be. Who will I be if I don’t have some man abusing, neglecting or abandoning me and keeping me emotionally unstable for half the month? Who will I be if I’m not sick and in pain with some ailment to focus on? Who will I be if I’m not fighting with my family or friends and feeling wronged half the time? Who will I be if I actually have enough money to do whatever I want? And support to boot?
I have built an entire life around being poor, sick, hurt and almost there. Who will I be when I get there? When I am healed? When I feel Loved? When I am fulfilled in my work? And supported? When I belong? Who will I be when I use my energy for what I want how I want and don’t regret it? Who will I be when my will is my own?
I don’t have anything profound to write today. But I just wanted to let you know that I am changing. I’ve heard it so many times, but it makes sense now. When people say your life doesn’t change until you do. It makes sense. Your life can change temporarily without you changing. But you can trust that your life has forever changed when you realize that you have changed. And you don’t make the same decisions. And you don’t solve problems in the same way. And you give differently. You receive differently. You even walk differently.
I have changed. I am more humble. I have learned how to forgive and let go. But the most profound change is that I am beginning to understand how to feel good every day. And instead of making choices so that I can escape pain, I am beginning to open my arms, let pain dissolve, learn the lessons from it, and then make proactive choices – choices that will create the life I am here to live. I’ve also been embracing and embodying the phrase “I know”.
I realized that “I don’t know” lived in my subconscious really deep. Whenever it came time to make a decision, “I don’t know what to do” would be running in the back of my mind, and even in my body. I would get really confused. I would freeze so that I don’t feel the confusion. I would defer to anyone or anything besides my own inner knowing… I’m a woman and so we are acculturated to look to anyone but ourselves for leadership and guidance. But the truth is, there was so much that I did know, and I was betraying my own inner knowing for a long time. There is so much that I do know now.
I’ve been through a lot, and if I choose to, I can be wise now through my experiences. I can be powerful. I can be resourceful. I can be kind. I can be strong. I can be brave. I can be loving. I can be joyous. I can be clear minded. I can use my brain and my tools and my spirit to figure out the solutions to problems. I can create avenues for well-being. If I choose to, I can be the writer of my own self-help book now and know what I need to thrive. And I can learn how to receive what I need. I can be happy. In the midst of the dissolution of everything I’ve ever known, I know this is possible, even for me
I don’t know what the future holds, but even that’s not entirely true. I do know that the future for me is magical. I can’t wait to share with you as things unfold.
Love you! Bless you. Mwa.
Day 588
Endings and Beginnings (The Final Chapter)
Y’all… Stay Focused. Everything you’ve learned is up for review now. Pass the test. If others come to you with disruption, attacks, bad treatment, bless them, love them, but PULL YOUR ENERGY AWAY.
Don’t waste time trying to prove to others that they are hurting, harming, or otherwise negatively impacting you. You know that they are. Your own knowing is enough.
Don’t waste time trying to show that you are good or that you meant this, that or the other. You know your intentions and you know what you think and who you pray for when you go to sleep. Your own knowing is enough.
Your critical attention is needed for the rebuilding of your life. Focus on the thoughts, behaviors, environments that will create the life you are here to live
Stay Focused. I Love y’all.
Mwa!
Day 587
Stay Focused
I will start with today. This moment. I am sitting at home. My apartment that I’ve lived in for 12.5 years. In the heart of the City of Angels. I have on a nightgown of sorts, a peachish pinkish colored short dress looking thing. The heater is on. I’m sitting on the couch covered with a blanket. The couch has books under the base because the base cracked.
The couch is multi-colored. A blue base with a busy, circular pattern on it. My laptop is on my lap, my phone is on the arm of the couch to my left, and my journal is on the couch to my right. On the end table, there is a plastic orange bowl filled with fruit – orange slices and grapes -, a bottle of water and a plastic tray with crumbs from snacks just eaten.
I am struggling to breathe. There is a tingling sensation on the right side of my body. My housemate just came out of his room to tell me he wants to eat food and to call me a bad lady because I didn’t make food for him. It is his way of joking, he says. I say he full of shit but I refuse to give him my energy today.
His interaction is his way of trying to open up a door so he can ask me to have sex with him or so that he can eat all my energy. And just like that, my focus is gone.
This is why my leg hurts… Oooh. This is the deep thing to heal. I can not breathe and my leg hurts because I feel afraid. I feel afraid because I am completing many things quickly and that means that i will be back in the world again. In fact, I will be in the world in a way that I’ve never been before. I feel afraid of being back in the world because there are people like my housemate everywhere in the world. People who don’t care about you and only want to take from you or manipulate or use you. People who will destroy everything meaningful to you in order to try and control you.
I manifested a monster right into my house. He is the outpicturing of my deepest beliefs about life, men, and others, and he is my opportunity to be free at last. “Women are too bad, boys are too smart, problems won’t finish, try to enjoy,” he sings as he makes his own food in the kitchen.
This is not where I was expecting to go when I started writing this blog. Now my left shoulder hurts and my uterus is in a rage…
I went online to scroll. My body tapped itself out for a bit, and now, finally, ladies and gentlemen, I am going to deal with this sh*t because I can’t hide out from the world forever.
First, what is the problem? The problem is that my body reacts negatively to any kind of forward motion – muscle pain, confusion, panic attacks, trouble breathing – because it feels afraid of coming back to the world. I have my reasons. I’ve been hurt by the world in many ways for a long, long time. Trauma. And up until recently, not only was I hurt, but I couldn’t quite understand what was going on because I was gaslit by the offenders, who will chip away at you through micro-aggressions forever and then tell you nothing is happening.
Other problem: a perfect reflection of why I am afraid of going back to the world lives with me and regularly reminds me of how awful the world is.
Solution. Take your power back… Jesus take the wheel.
Belief: If I become powerful, the world will hurt me more.
Solution: Change belief and become powerful.
New belief: When I become more powerful, I am more safe in the world. I am not alone. God is love.
You see, anything is possible. You can make anything mean anything. And so, you can make this situation mean that God hates you, or you can make it mean that God Loves you and is teaching you finally to use your power to be safe. Say no to negative energetic encounters. Partner with people on your level. Heal, heal, heal the subconscious trauma that blocks you from moving forward. Heal until healed. All the way. And say yes to environments that nurture, inspire and restore you.
This is an opportunity for you to break free, Laydie. Take it. You are getting old and this life will be over before you blink an eye…
My housemate went and cooked some food. He cooked food for me, too. He’s calling me to eat. It’s a trap and a trick. Lord. OK. This is it. This is why my back hurts and my leg hurts and my everything hurts when I think about going back to the world. Traps and tricks to get me to do what I want, and moreover, to get me to do what’s not safe for me. My head hurts and I can hardly concentrate at the moment. My heart is beating fast. What is the way out of all this?
l stopped writing. Breathed. Meditated. Pulled my energy back into my body. Some text messenger got his attention and he went to the room to text. The solution is focus. Easier said than done, but easier done when done and done and done and done again.
For a brief moment, I remembered what I had planned to do with this day. The moving forward that led me into panic attack in the first place. I had planned to complete things. Complete reading and editing a manuscript that I had planned to read and edit a long time ago. I had planned to get out of the house and get to a public place – a park or something, and finish reading and editing it. And I had planned to finish putting away and folding my clothes. And I had planned to finish sweeping and mopping the floor. Those three things are epic things that have been on my incomplete list forever.
The solution is to shift focus. Take action. My body tingles again as I find this clarity. I will stop overthinking now. I will fold and unpack this closet today. The experience that you have been trying to prepare me for over and over again is understood now.
I am in the world, whether I want to be or not. Although living in these walls with very little drama is safe, it is not invigorating. It is not fun. It is not joyful. It is not exciting. It is a waste of my gifts, talents and capacity.
The truth is, if I want to be fulfilled in any form or fashion, I will have to take the risk of living again. And what I know is that the time is now. Can you believe that with all of the things I’ve been through in life, this moving forward after being hurt… this finishing up of a cleaning of a closet… is the most frightening. And the cure is bravery. I want to find a way to make bravery fun and easy.
I see the story I have in my mind – me, trembling, shaking, triumphing. What if I could sing instead? Put on some music and laugh out loud like a maniac? I believe that I can do it. I’m doing it now. Finally…
I guess it takes time to heal. This took about four hours and I am grateful for four hours given to heal lifetimes of trauma. Four hours to finally show up for myself in life.
xx
Day 586
Four Hours To Move On
I woke up this morning with the idea “I don’t know”. I can’t post this until I finish my action items from yesterday, though, which was to finish doing the clothes in my closet. My mind tells me I don’t know how to make it through this time of my life.
So many different ideas float through. The idea that I can’t trust anyone floated through in my meditation today. The idea of war… I grew up in a warrior’s culture. I suppose most of the world is this way. What is funny and sad is that most people don’t like living in a warrior’s culture, but we teach our children how to survive in a warrior’s culture, as we should, but never teach them or even give them the idea that the world could be something different. And so we never learn to trust each other. We never learn to be trustworthy. We never learn to be at source of creating our reality, but only learn how to survive in the world we inherited. We never learn how to create a new world.
My housemate is here. I still kind of hate his guts. He plays angry preaching sermons all morning. The pastor yells about all the evils in the world and how to protect yourself from them. He cooked breakfast this morning. For the past month, we had made an agreement that he was supposed to cook breakfast and I was supposed to cook dinner. He only cooked breakfast twice – because he had decided that he doesn’t eat breakfast anymore and only eats starting at noon. So forget about me and my breakfast. I finally got sick of rushing home every night to cook elaborate meals for him. If I was by myself, I’d eat out and eat different things that are easier to cook. I had a conversation with him about him not keeping his agreement. He apologized. Said he would keep his agreement and cook breakfast from now on. The next day? He didn’t. Told me I should understand because he woke up late (at noon). The next day, he didn’t cook breakfast. Told me I should understand because he want to work early. I just happened to have been sick on that day and was totally over him. The third day, at around 11:42am, he was in his room, and I messaged him and told him this cooking agreement didn’t seem to be working and we needed to see what we could do about it. He came out to talk to me about it. Said he had just planned to go and cook breakfast when he saw my message. Told me that I should understand because he woke up late.
So then I asked him what time he planned on cooking breakfast, since he generally doesn’t get up before noon, and that makes it lunch time. He couldn’t give me a time. Started telling me how I should understand why he hadn’t cooked so far. Making excuses. I was thoroughly fed up (said and thought with a native accent). Told him to leave me alone. Sent him a message saying that my new agreement with him is that I will keep my agreement when he keeps his. If he doesn’t cook breakfast, I ain’t cooking no dinner for him. I didn’t cook dinner…. He came home and made dinner for both of us. He doesn’t know how to cook anything, so it was sandwiches. This morning, he cooked breakfast.
This is the warrior world I find myself in, where kindness is seen as weakness and one must demand consideration and good treatment and give harsh consequences before they receive love and care.
This is not the warrior world I want to be in… I didn’t know this is what this blog was coming to. This is not the warrior world I want to be in. And my spirit says, “vision it and create it”.
This is what it has been leading me to. The world I want to be in is full of joy. High vibrations. But I come from a warrior culture. The thought on my mind today was “Know”.
Always, we are looking for guidance outside of ourselves. Other people’s books, other people’s ideas, authority figures, counselor’s, therapists, etc, etc, in order to know what to do. Where do those people get their knowledge? How do they know what to do? And what happens if they are not around? Shouldn’t there be a time when we read the books, see the counselor’s, learn, and then we, too, know what to do and teach others? I am asking this question of myself.
I am asking myself how to use my warrior heritage to fight for the world and the life I envision. I am asking myself what the solution is to this stupid dynamic between me and housemate. “Cut it out”, is the answer that comes quick. He had become the center of your focus. Cut it out. Let him be. He is not your partner. You are not equally yoked by any form or fashion. You have helped each other grow, and that is your purpose in each other’s life. You have opened him to know how to love more and he has closed you and taught you boundaries and focus. Let the gift be exchanged and give thanks for it.
And now your focus is Love. You have proven to yourself that you can fight. But you have always known that you can fight… Take all your things back and let go of everything that isn’t yours. Let go of everything that is not love, and pay attention to everything that is. Love is here now, even in this moment. So appreciate it. Let stupid face be stupid. Or nice. Or whatever. But don’t give too much energy to his shenanigans.
This is the lesson of your life, you know? Be grateful. What is the lesson, you ask? To Be Of Source. Because you are a born Leader. There is no escaping it. It is who you are. It is why life has been so hard for you. No, you don’t fit in here. You were never made to fit in. You were made to come with new things. And you have not fit in because you have been trying to fit in instead of recognizing that your mission is to bring new things. New things that other people’s spirits are also wanting. Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love.
And you, my sweet warrior? This can be more than words. This can be more than a blog. This can be a life. Yes, your entire life can change. Your entire life is changing. Do it on purpose now. Be a warrior for your life. Figure out what that looks like. What does it look like? What does Sovereignty look like for you? What does it look like to be a mother? How does it feel to be the boss? You are the boss, you know. Stop being afraid of it. Release the associations the world has given you. Boss does not mean lonely. Boss does not mean hated. Boss does not mean harshness and judgment always.
You give these experiences to yourself. Boss means Love. Boss means Love. I know you don’t understand yet that God Loves you and life Loves you because life has been kicking your butt. But understand that life meaning is what you give it. Can you understand that? Life’s meaning is what you give it.
Try and see where life is loving you. Like in this moment. Where you have time and space to read a blog. To write a blog. In this moment. You have time and space to figure things out. In this moment. You have the resources to buy food or grow food and you have cooked food in the kitchen. This moment. You have shelter from the cold. This moment. Your brain works. This moment. Just appreciate what is here and see how more comes.
I will be here more this month. Happy, joyous June!
Know… Sweet Warrior, Know.
Day 584
Know… Sweet Warrior, Know
I am feeling sad… Many years ago, I saw a therapist for the first time. She said that I had been disassociating, meaning I wasn’t feeling my feelings. When she asked me why I didn’t feel my feelings, I said it was because I didn’t have time. I had to get up and do stuff – work and survive, and I didn’t have time to feel my feelings because they may be too heavy and stop me in my tracks.
The therapist said something that meant that my unprocessed feelings were stopping me whether or not I made time to feel them. She suggested that whenever I feel any feelings, I stop in my tracks and write about them and feel them… And we did that experiment for some time. And it helped me a lot. It helped me come back to my body and know how I feel in a given moment.
I am here again, full of debilitating emotion… Rage. Rage is the feeling. Indignation. Resentment. Deep, deep sadness and grief. I am glad that it’s finally not depression. An asshole came into my life… Assholes have come into my life. Asking for my life force in so many ways. Offering nothing. Playing games. Tricking.
And I am feeling quite indignant that a human being would show up at my doorstep, call my phone or send me a message with the intention of taking with no consideration of how it might disturb my peace. Correction. Considering how it may disturb my peace, knowing as much, and trying to take from me any way.
I know. This is the story of the world. This is the story of my life. But for some reason, this story has my jaw trembling today. I have had quite enough of it.
“What you gonna do about it?” my inner voice taunts.
And the answer is, nothing. I quit. At first, I was gonna do a lot about it. Push back. Fight. Find ways to keep what is mine. Make choices. Say words to push the offenders away. Fight. Don’t lose the battle for my will.
But somehow, that doesn’t seem like the right answer, and as I have a new thought, I feel the tension in the back of my head finally relax. I feel my back give in to ease.
“Stop trying to push or pull”, my wisdom recommends. “Let them bitches go.”
Yes, that is my wisdom saying bitches. Men bitches, too. Let them asses go. I am, quite frankly, sick of this shit.
God? I’m mad at you? You’ve been making things too hard for me. You say I haven’t followed through, and that’s true, but you’ve made everything so hard to follow through on. You deliver hoards of demons to my front door and leave me by myself to fight them. It’s not fair. It has been too hard for me. You say I am a warrior. But I don’t always want to fight… You keep talking to me and I don’t want to write it. I don’t want to hear it. I want to be taken care of.
I want to pick up my phone or let someone into my life and they are not trying to hurt me. Is it too much to ask for? Is love too much to ask for me?
I know deep down that I am not unloved, but sometimes it really feels like it. Vampires always eating me. Nourishment few and far in between. Lonely always. Heartbroken always. I am as tired of writing the story as you are of reading it. But change it, I haven’t been able to. Disappointed in myself for the life I am living. It is not much of what I wanted… The other day I told my mentor that the only thing I wanted in life was to love and be loved, and my mentor said that God is Love or that God Loves me.
And I didn’t understand. And I still don’t. Why has it been so hard for me to be safe and Loved, God? I’m tired…
You say let go and follow through. There is never pity or mercy even in my own mind…
One of the things I’ve been wanting to do for a while is another blog entry. This is not the best, but I think I’ll post it anyway. Follow through any way.
I got sick the other day. I’m on the mend now, but whenever I get sick, a lucidness comes with it. It made me realize the shittyness of this particular relationship that I was engaging in. And it made me realize the shittyness of particular venture proposal that came my way. And I felt sad that I always seem to either be on the defense, trying hard for people not to pimp me, or I’m getting pimped.
I wonder who are these people who people actually want to love and pour into, and how do I become one of them? Who are these people who have someone in their lives who protects them when they are weak or unable to protect themselves, instead of trying to exploit or kick them when they’re down? Will I ever be one of them? Will I always be fending for myself?
Who are these people who are actually supp –
– You say stop complaining. These people that you speak of are you. Don’t negate it. Don’t say but. Recognize it and make it your life. Be powerful now. For your own good. You are right. It’s enough now. I have been trying to push, bang, plea with, negotiate, coddle and cajole you into accepting your own power. Please. Accept it now. I have told you what to do time and time again. Please. Do it now. Today. Please. It’s time.
-It’s enough. Just follow through. I know. People are hurting you. I know. It’s all stupid. Don’t focus on. Join hands with the people who are good to you. Acknowledge them. Recognize them. And then follow through. Now. Ok?
Thank you for feeling your feelings and letting them pass through.
Bless you.
I Love you. Go finish doing the clothes in your closet.
Sincerely,
Laydie
Day 583
Follow Through
Energy. That is what is on the mind right now. I got off a phone call. High. My coach. Success Coach. I got off the line with my success coach. I have a success coach. I had one some years ago. 2020 to be exact. I worked with her for a little over a year. A year and a half. And then we reached a block.
It was 2022. I had made so much progress. When I had started working with her, I had picked up a script I’d been working on for ages and started working on it again. Made it really far. Registered my farm business. Made a lot of progress with that. Was in a groove. But then emotional stuff hit. No one ever plans for the inner things and we don’t give the inner things the credence they deserve.
A lot of things had happened in that time. My grandma had died tragically. I had a fallout with a close family member whom I loved dearly. Actually, I had a fallout with several family members over the course of those years. In addition to my success coach, I had started seeing a brilliant therapist. Between the two of these amazing ladies, they poured so much love and encouragement into me.
But my personal life was full of shit. Dysfunctional relationships with men. Family relationships were falling apart. Lifelong friendships were becoming strained. In the aftermath of my most recent personal fallout, and also after having received a bulk sum of money, and shortly after my grandma’s death, I went to a hotel overseas and took refuge there.
And I worked with my success coach weekly until I couldn’t. I couldn’t work with her because I couldn’t work with her. I was too depressed. I was stuck. I didn’t have the words at the time, but due to all the pain and trauma I had experienced, I was terrified of participating in the world again and my nervous system was totally disregulated and I couldn’t take one more action step without having panic attacks, muscle spasms, breathing issues and deep depression.
And so, every week, I wouldn’t do the work I was assigned to do until finally our time together ran out.
I spent two years and a half years not working with her. In 2022, I went through an amazing, healing, group therapy program (I call it group therapy, but the program facilitator calls it a somatic workshop). In the program, we learned how to get in touch with our bodies and listen to the cues our nervous system was giving us so that we could know when we are safe and unsafe in the world.
It was life changing. We learned the language of energy, which I had always known but never respected. We learned about boundaries. We learned about meeting our needs and nourishing ourselves. We learned how to regulate our nervous systems. We learned how to honor our life purpose… It was quite a grueling process. But we learned it. I learned it. It wasn’t just a course. I learned it, y’all!
My jaw is trembling at the moment. I’m so, so proud of myself. I’m so proud of myself. I learned how not to give a shit. Can’t say I learned that all the way, because I still give a shit sometimes and wish people I love and like would love and like me and treat me certain ways. But I learned how to process disappointment and cope if and when they don’t and still go on with life.
My God, I am grateful. I am really grateful to have made it to a place where I am not overcome by my feelings. Moreover, I am grateful to have reached a place where I am not overcome by other people’s feelings. That is the game changer…
Two years after not working with my success coach, I received an email from her with a special program. I started working back with her this April. I love her. I love meeting with her. I love telling her about my week. I love doing the work I’m supposed to do in between meetings. I can do the work now, even when heavy emotions are present. Today, she told me that she’s proud of me. She told me that I have invested a lot for my inner healing and growth and now I have the inner foundation for an amazing life and she can’t wait to see how things unfold.
I had never looked at it like that before. Honestly, I’d just been fighting for my life and my peace of mind and reaching out to anyone who I thought could help me…
A few minutes ago, I asked a houseguest of mine to wear headphones instead of blasting his television show in my ear while he sits in my space while I write my blog. He complied. He looked at me with an attitude. I could care less and don’t mind asking him to move out if he begins to make my life worse than before he came.
I need you to understand, though, that two years ago, I would not have asked him to put the movie on a headset. Instead, I would have sat here annoyed that I’m sitting in my space unable to concentrate because guest was blasting a loud movie. Or I would have ran away to a different room so I could think. I would have done anything to please guest and make him comfortable and get his approval, even inconvenience myself to the max.
No mas. I am proud of myself. I’ve actually been investing in my healing and well-being. Like, who am I? How dare I? Who do I think I am? I am a good person. Can you believe it? Me. I am a good person and I deserve good things.
Thank you, God.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Ameen
Day 582 – A Good Person (Inner Things)
hownottocryeveryday 