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Day 507 – Life With Love (Blank Slating)

October 3, 2018

Back in the real world. Been in fantasy land for the past five days. Folks came in town. My Lover. Friends. Frenemies. They all came at the same time. It was this girl’s, my frenemy’s, birthday and some people came in town because of that, and others just happened to be in town this weekend. Twelve of us sat at a birthday table.

Artists. Mutual friends. Lovers. Exes. All interconnected in some way. I spent the last five days on the Westside of LA County. First in Beverly Hills and then near the Beach. I was with my Lover. Who is this guy, you ask? Long story short, I don’t know if he ever made it to this blog.

Met him a few years ago through my best friend. He was visiting LA from another country and my best friend, who was living with me at the time, brought him right into my living room. He was nice and innocent. He asked me to go out with him and my best friend, so I did. At some point in our outing, he asked if he could hug me. I said yes, and he hugged me. Broke open my heart. I felt so much Love. We went out on two more dates and after the last one, he went back to his country. Said he wanted to marry me and he was going to come back in a couple of months. He didn’t. The devil came in between us, and a family death plus financial and relationship problems moored him in his country. I lost interest in a romantic relationship with him, but we remained friends…

Two years later, he reaches out and says he is coming into LA. He wants to see me. And so I saw him for the past five days. His hug is just as amazing as it has ever been. I am not used to being held with Love. I did not know how much I missed it and needed it. He calls me sweetheart and helps with everything. “How can I Love you more?” he asks. I am in Heaven. We eat healthy food every day, go to the beach, to the park, to the mountains. We celebrate his friend’s birthday and I make peace with a longtime frenemy. I freestyle rap with him and other friends. And my best friend (the one who introduced us) comes in town, too. I am surrounded by giants with huge hearts. I am happy. I am having so much fun. I am feeling so much Love. Anything is possible with these people… He kisses my back and all pain from the past dissipates. I didn’t know that I was carrying so much pain still. Will I marry him? I don’t know. There are many things to consider. He is not afraid of me, and this is new. He sees me as beautiful, all the way, and he sees my good intentions, and this i new. He is not afraid of the deep depths of my Love, and this is new…

And suddenly it dawns on me that I am ok. The war is over. I am safe. This part of my life is over. I don’t have to be so sad anymore. I’m not so sad anymore. I’m not afraid of so much anymore, and I can do things now. I can move forward now. I can have a good life now. It dawns on me that there are good people in the world who will help me with things just because they Love me. And they will accept the Love I have to give in the way I have to give it.

It dawns on me that I have been Blessed with a Blank slate. I have gotten a “do-over” pass from God, and I can start over. There are some scars and bruises from a life that has definitely been lived, but my mind and my body function well enough for me to thrive on this Earth plane. And my Spirit is finally coming into alignment with the Truth of who I am.

My old friend fear wants me to panic now, fret about what I will do and how I will do it and where I will live and who I will live with, but I don’t want to fret anymore. I want to disrupt that pattern of anxiety and fear when I’m not sure what the future holds and move into the knowingness that all of life is working together for my good and I can let go of control and move into listening, receptivity, and curiosity.

Now is the time to make plans and take immediate action. So we will. We will read our Think and Grow Rich book, make plans immediately, and take some steps forward now. Build the foundation of your new Life with Love and Joy. Listen for my next steps as we learn how to fly…

Thank you, Allah. Thank you so much. Ameen.

Day 507
Life With Love (Blank Slating)

From → Time to Live

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