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Day 252 – Wait and Ask

October 26, 2013

I just read some of my old posts. I didn’t realize it, but during the time that I thought my blog was disabled, it was actually still accessible to the public…

I wrote a 500 word post just now, but it wasn’t fitting right. So I’m closing my eyes, taking off my wrist brace. Feeling like writing, but no clear topic in mind. Don’t know what’s going to come out…

“You love, you love, you love, you love”… Clarity. Power. trust. In the good. Love. Courting you, God. Seeking your voice. Who are you who got me off the bed today when just yesterday i was in the wilderness? Who are you? I want to know more about you. You saved me. Again.

I am full of sweet release. Sarah Mclachlan wrote sweet surrender. It’s a beautiful thing. I am stepping out of my mind. This is what it looks like. There is a vortex, like the eye of a tornado. Things are spinning and spinning all around, but in the center I stand. Whichever direction I look, it becomes my life. But if the wind around me gets too strong, even if I can’t stand, I am not devoured by all that is in the universe. You cover me. You take me to a still place where I can rest. Until I am healthy enough again. And then the vortex is different. What is spinning around me is different. And then I can choose again from new things…

I have been doing this for some time. Standing in the eye of the tornado and choosing and falling down and being saved and finding myself in the eye of a new tornado.

But now things look different, because it is not like there is a vortex spinning around with elements to choose from. You are telling me that I can create the vortex around me. Now I am at the top of a grassy hill. There is nothing around me. And You say that I get to build the vortex now. And, oh, that is so much choice for me. So much Power. We are taught not to believe in such things. But I see the image nonetheless.

Who are You that puts these images in my head? You say You are more than what we call God and Jesus. You say you are the Creator of all concepts, but I do not understand. You say that I am stepping into Power, but the thought scares me. Power is such a loaded word. Am I ready? I know I am ready. But let’s not choose yet. Let’s just sit in the vortex without walls. Until fear subsides, You say. Until we get used to feeling Powerful. Until we are able to fathom the meaning of all this choice.

Our hearts are clean. Yes, marry the man you just thought of, You say. LOL. He is the one I’ve chosen for you. He is the one to love. No. You are not in Love with him, but you will be in Love. More than you can imagine.

Who are You? The voice of God? How do I know and what does that mean? How do I know that this is not just my own thinking, some romantic fantasy about life? How do I know You are good and not leading me astray? How do I know anything?

– How do you know anything?

– Ask. It’s just that simple. Ask Me who I am. Ask if this is the truth. Ask if it’s a fantasy. Ask if your heart is clean. Ask if resentment still lingers. Ask if you are ready for a new day. Ask what you need to do. Ask. No one knows the answer more than you do. And when you don’t know the answer, wait until you do.

You see, this new vortex you are building is a big deal. There is no rush. You see yourself and the green grass and the top of the hill. You are not walled in. Something colorful on your left/right waiting to materialize. You may let go of all resentment. You may clean your heart now. Completely. Today. So We can build from there. A clean space on a grassy knoll.

Don’t worry about the past. Yes, like that. People will not understand the change. Some may be jealous or feel betrayed. Don’t worry about the past. You did your best, you hear?

But who are you?

-I AM the God of all things.

I can’t write this.

-Yes you can and you will.

It’s blasphemy.

-It is the truth of your mind.

Why do I need to let people know what goes on in my mind?

-Ask. Answer.

Because it helps them come to terms with what’s going on in their own minds.

-They do not need your permission to tell the truth, but it is a reminder, an invitation. You are doing your work, so bravo. But don’t get too big for your britches. You see, work is like that. It’s just your work to do.

Now that we are building the foundation for this new top-of-the-hill kind of existence, this vortex without walls, how shall we proceed? In this day where we are up and alive and we notice the shadows and the sunlight in our room, how shall we proceed? In the building of our new self, our new identity, which is really just our old identity unmasked, how shall we show up in the world?

Wait and Ask and Answer… And wait. And ask…

Day 252

Wait and Ask (and Answer and Wait…)


From → The Initiation

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