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Day 195 – Stretch

December 6, 2012

I think change in itself is a miracle. Think about it. Anytime anyone sets out to make any kind of change, they will face resistance. Drug addicts go through intense physical withdrawal. If you are losing weight, your body starts itching everywhere and you get muscle pains, and let’s not talk about changing an entire life. People who knew you before will taunt you with your old triggers, just because they are used to you being a certain way. You’ve got to be out of your mind and yet keep your sanity if you really want a positive change.

It’s 7:50 pm. It’s been a long day. I’ve been working really hard this week, trying to keep my word to myself and be disciplined. Almost every time I work on my script, I get short in the breath before it’s over. My old love fears are resurfacing. It’s easy to talk about the things I want to do, but the doing, the changing, the real life stuff…. Well, let’s say it’s a challenge to say the least. You see, I have gotten used to losing. Isn’t that silly? People do it every day, though. And then it becomes your life. And now, I’d like to get used to winning again, but oh, the resistance…

I’m at my writing internship right now. A group rented our office out to hold an evening event, and I am the point of contact in case anything goes wrong… And I’m thinking about change. The interesting thing is, I know I’m going to be one of the miracles. One of the people who change for real. I already am. I just have to keep going. This time, doing things on purpose…

Now that we are in the throes of change, we are seeing that it’s not all roses like we thought it would be. But we have been here before. And we have ducked down and retreated. We have gone backwards when things have gotten uncomfortable like they are becoming now. When fears have been dug up to the surface, we have run before.  But since we have now decided, with all of our soul (and we have decided with all of our soul) that we will not let life pass us by, since we have chosen that we are going to experience Love and Success and the Fulfillment of our deepest dreams, there is no retreating now. There is no turning back. We are going to change. Finally. Once. And. For. All…

But how? This is what I’ve got, Laydie. This is me, the bigger You, talking to the little you. I know you are afraid. You are afraid of so much. But guess what? You have gotten stronger now. You are ready now. You didn’t even see it happening, but you have become strong. And you have become wise. And your fears? They are like whiney little children. Look at them as such and you will overcome them. This is your time. Do you understand? This is the time to face them all, to push yourself beyond yourself. This is the time to open even wider and forgive even more. And to give, Laydie. This is the time to give more than you thought you could. Because We are stretching, here. We are not going back to the old successes or the old failures. We are becoming a new thing. A bigger thing. More of the thing that you really are.

We are stretching, and at the beginning, it won’t feel good. It will hurt and it will wake up aches and pains that you didn’t even know were there. But as you continue, stretching will become like Love, soothing and releasing all that is not good. So when your breath gets short, breathe a little deeper. You can do it. When you become worried about what tomorrow might bring, get down on your knees and pray until you are sure that tomorrow is taken care of. And when your precious heart feels like it just can’t take any more, when you are scared out of your mind to be vulnerable, or if someone disappoints you, you find something safe to Love and you Love like your life depends on it. Hug your nephew. Give your sister a gift. Write Mr. Almost Famous something sweet… You Love in the midst of your fears, and soon the energy of Love will become your life…

This is the practice. Oh, this is the good part. I am here with you every step of the way. Do you see what you can do? If you get discouraged, just come back to your Self. I got you…

Day 195


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