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Day 173 – Let Somebody Love You

October 11, 2012

My brain is going all over the place. Lord, I need some stability. I can’t get anything done if I’m not stable…

God, I moved out of my apartment today and I feel like I made I mistake. You say no I didn’t, but I feel like I did. The place I was going to move into didn’t come through, and now I’m going to have to crash at friends and family until I can find another place. Is this just another distraction I created for myself, God? You say no, but I don’t understand, because all my stuff is in my car and I’m not at peace in my mind…

You say find some peace and I’m trying, but it’s not coming because I’m scared and I’m tired of being a loser. I’m tired of all this instability. I keep coming so close and then everything falls apart. Everything is not falling apart, You say, but it feels that way.

It feels that way when I don’t have a place to stay or a good source of income and when all the men who approach me these days just want to get in my pants before they even know my last name. How do I cross over, God? I don’t like these crossroads.

-You are crossing.

But I can’t see it.

-You are crossing.

But I feel like I’m falling apart. I feel like nothing is working and I thought You said that if I really tried and if I was really sincere about things then you would make things work for me and help me to do what I thought I was called to do.

-You are in the midst of the crossing, and that is why you are falling apart and falling into your new self. The dust will settle. Settle now. In the midst of the crossing, find the place where faith lives. Find the place where you believe that this can be easy. That this is easy. Please do not turn back now. You have come so far. Peace of mind is in you. Yes, your life is falling apart. Thank God! You didn’t want that life and that life no longer suits the woman you are evolving into. So of course you will fall apart. It isn’t falling apart. It’s growth.

-This is how you renew your faith. You come back. You pull away. You remember that there are possibilities beyond your present perception and you lean into them. Let’s do it now. Yes, I know you want to stay sad and despairing, but let’s look at your greater desire. To be happy. To be fulfilled. Will you let Me help you right now? In the midst of your doubts? This is where the magic happens. Right now.

OK.

-Take a look at yourself from outside of yourself. Just for a moment, lean into the possibility of your life. You had it the other day. Why do you think everyone else believes in you? Why do you think everyone counts on you? Because they know what you can not see about yourself. You can do it. You can be it. You are already doing it and being it. Lean in… Lay your worries to the side. Let your pride and ego rest. Give the doubts a break and try, Laydie. Try to live as if you actually thought you were moving towards something good, because you are. This is your comfort, but it is not from Me, it is from you from Me. Do you get it? Try to let go of your fears. Try to believe. Try to trust. Just try. You will find that in this action, the easiness comes. Your baby sis wants to take care of you. Let her. If you want people to take care of you, you have to let them…

Wow… I just got a text from a friend going out of town tomorrow who says I can stay at his place while he’s gone. Wow. OK.

-That’s a little miracle, Laydie. I can do so much more if you will only but allow it. You have to let them Love you, you see? Let somebody Love you…

Day 173

Let Somebody Love You

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From → The Good Stuff

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