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Day 122 – It Gets Better

April 12, 2012

8:40pm. Heart busted open. In a good way. In a new things kind of way. This happiness place, it’s not a place. It’s a process. You reach one crossroads and then there is another. And then you master that and then there is another. I think you can recognize that you’re on the other side of happy when the challenges no longer seem daunting, but exciting.

So here we are again. At another crossroads. I am laughing at myself because I see the lesson that has been learnt in my recent housing situation with sis and roomie #2. I have been saying I want to change the world and help the disenfranchised and I got schooled real good. I got two under 21 year-old, not quite teenage girl-women that came to live with me and they asked me, without asking, to be there for them in spite of and because of all they are, and I had to find a way to do it and to be there for myself as well…

Now, I can’t say that I did it all too gracefully, but I can say that I have found a way and learned how to love myself more in the process. Because changing the world starts within. It starts at home. With the things that can really move and affect us. That is where the growth and the challenges are, not in some distant place dealing with some people who we don’t really care about… These are the skills that I’m going to need to do my work. I’m going to have to know how to love people and be compassionate towards people who may not like me or who I may not like. I’m going to have to dig deep and be unbroken in the midst of brokenness, and there is no way to be unbroken but to be healed. There’s just no going around it. Some skills can be read about, talked about, and debated about to death, but there is no way to actually learn about them but to go through the process. These little ladies have been such beautiful blessings…

Within the past twenty-four hours, so much has happened. I will give the seeds time to take hold to the ground before I start to talk about the flowers, but for tonight, can I just be a voice of something good for someone. Life has given me such beautiful gifts, I just want to testify and give them away.

I don’t want to be witty or think too much tonight. I just want to testify. It gets better. Life gets better. It really does. Sometimes you don’t even have to do anything and Grace finds you and lifts you up. And it gets better. And the more of your actual will, the more of your energy you put towards creating a better life and accepting  the goodness as it comes, and it always comes, the more fulfillment you will experience in this process we call life.

For a moment, can I share with you? Can I thank you for being with me through the darkest hours of my life as I struggled to find the light? I couldn’t have done it without you. I can see the light now. It has even touched my skin from time to time and I have been present enough to actually experience it as it was happening. Can I thank you? Please let me thank you. Please know that wherever you are, whoever you are, you have done something quite fantastic. You have been there for a stranger who called out for your help and you have helped her to know that she is not alone. You have made a difference to one human being on this Earth and you are worth something.

We don’t always know, you know? We don’t always know that we are worth something just as we are, no matter what we have done or what have let people do to us. I’m rambling now, so I’ll stop here, but it’s true. Life gets better if you let it. Life gets good if you want it. I’m not even going to talk about extraordinary because that makes my heart beat too fast, but in the words of one of my darling little sisters, “The best is yet to come.”

Day 122

It Gets Better

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