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Day 106 – Don’t Worry, Be Happy

March 3, 2012

It’s been a little over a week since my last writing. I’ve been really busy working, trying to meet deadlines and spending time with human beings, finding out that human beings can be really nice.

Life has been good. Life is still good. I’m home alone this morning. It’s a really pretty day and my apartment is relatively clean. I met so many wonderful people this past week. I worked an event with some ladies around my age and they were so sweet. I got to meet some famous people and made some more connections, and I built stronger bonds with some people I had already known. Everything is actually very good. I even met a new guy. I am really amazed at the caliber of men I am meeting these days. They are all so alive. I guess I, too, am alive now because they actually like me.

My brother texted me this morning offering me stuff. The one who said I was the devil… He doesn’t really think I’m the devil. Well, maybe sometimes he does, but that’s ok. He may never ever say sorry for anything he has ever done, and that’s ok, too. It’s not OK, per se, but it’s ok, you know? He can be himself. I just have to decide whether or not I want to relate to him and in what capacity.

I think that’s what I’m learning now, not just in theory, but in actuality. There is only so much you can control in life. You can control what you do or don’t do in a day, but other than that, the rest just isn’t up to you. You have no idea who you are going to run into at a supermarket or how the weather may change, but you can choose to commit to seeing the truth in spite of it all…

God, I am so peaceful today. I don’t have anything to complain about. I mean, I can make something up or find something that’s wrong or try to be mad at something that I’m supposed to be mad at, but I really just feel happy. So I guess that’s it. I’m going to let myself feel happy even though I have no good reason to do so. There is a clean space in my mind and heart where I can’t find any pain, and Lord, I am so, so, so very grateful for that. Thank You. I don’t know a lot of things. I don’t know which one of these fabulous men I’m going to marry, if any. I don’t know when my game show check and car is coming, I don’t know when I’m going to actually receive some money for some of these writing deals I’ve been talking about. I don’t even know which part of the world I am going to be in in the next few months… Can I live this way, without knowing what the future holds? You say I have been living this way all my life and just thinking I was in control of things.

Life has been so good in these past couple of months. I don’t think I can even remember I time in my life when I haven’t been worried about one thing or the other. God, I want to help people so that they can know this place. The place where your head doesn’t hurt all the time and your heart doesn’t hurt all the time. Oh man, the place where you can share an authentic smile! It’s lovely.

When I was broke, busted and disgusted and always hustling trying to find a job and make money and worried about rent all the time and involved in some kind of drama with whatever man, and so insecure that I was afraid to even finish any of my writing projects and lonely and feeling pretty darn pitiful,  I remember I would hear people say just trust God and everything was going to be all right, and I would think, “What does that mean? I have to pay bills and eat!” Now I know what it means… I still have to pay bills and eat but my head doesn’t hurt because I have come to trust that my bills will be paid and there is no way I could be homeless or hungry. So, I still do what I need to do to take care of my basic needs, but since I don’t spend so much time worrying about controlling everything, I have space in my brain and insight to do other things, like think about life after basic needs are met and work towards creating things.

It’s a good life. I don’t have any profound magic words today, but I want you to know, it’s a good life. Your life is a good life. Yes, you can have a good life. It’s OK. It’s possible for even you. We were not created so that we could suffer and cry every day. We were not created so that we would only be alone. No! It’s an illusion. It’s not what life is about, unless that’s what you want it to be about. I want you to know that there are good people in the world! I have met them and shaken their hands. They exist! I’m sure I have met them at other times in my life, but I was too caught up in the muck to realize it.

Whatever you are going through, don’t worry. Please, save your energy for the good stuff. Life is a good life. Our world is a good world. Take it one day at a time. Be encouraged. Be happy…

Day 106

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

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One Comment
  1. It’s a good life – those are indeed profound words.

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