Day 97 – Fake It Till You Make It

Good morning. Sis wants to use computer to print stuff out. Why is she up so early???

Trying to connect to the deeper place in me where inspiration lives. I moved my desk out to the living room and I’m having a hard time focusing. I think I’m going back to my room where I feel comfy…

Back in my room. Feels much better. Wow. Perhaps it is true what they say, that spaces have a life of their own. The living room needs to be freshened up a bit, and I’ll tend to that today.

In other news, I survived the loss of Mr. Almost Famous yesterday and then I got so much work done! There was only one thing I didn’t finish on my “to-do” list and that was only because I didn’t realize that the task was so big. In the past, if I had a “to-do” list of ten things, I might have actually only finished one. Yesterday was the opposite.

I’m going to revamp my list to include more than work and to have a daily practice of sharing and connecting with another human face to face. I am getting ready for my new life, which includes a husband and some friends that I connect deeply with as well as professional success and spiritual alignment. There is some value in the saying “fake it till you make it”. Our minds are quite interesting. We get used to things and our habits become our lives. Poverty, chaos, drama, sadness, etc, they are all habits that we learned at some point or another. You’ve got to replace them with the good stuff if you want the good stuff.

Like Gotye says, “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness”.  One of the keys to change is create new habits. Oh, you might go through withdrawal or anxiety when you try to change something you have been doing for a while. Your life might fall apart. In fact, it probably will. It’s a good thing. You are literally breaking down and breaking off who you used to be. But the next step is crucial. After you break down, you must decide who you would like to become and you must practice being that. If you would like to make more money, then you must put effort into earning more and saving more. If you would like healthy relationships, not only must you get rid of all your drama, but you must practice creating healthy relationships, which means expressing Love, saying sorry, being honest and wishing the best for someone other than yourself. If you would like your life to be in order, then you must clean up. Put something in order. Organize something, even a little thing like the dishes in your cabinet. If you would like a deeper spiritual or religious connection, then you must do the work. Sit, pray, ask, read, be honest…

These things are real. This change is real. This magic is not magic at all but common sense that we forgot that we had…

So today I’m going to fake it till I make it. I did that with Mr. Almost Famous and New York and it literally shifted my paradigm. My brain saw what another thing feels like; what life looks like as a fancy writer with clean clothes having meetings and staying in a rich hotel in New York; what life feels like sitting next to a man who makes me come alive… Yesterday I experienced what life feels like to be productive in spite of a small emotional imbalance and my mind says “Hmm…. This is different. This is good.”

New seeds have been planted and they are blossoming already. I am becoming used to this, God! Thank you. I didn’t know that I would ever get here. I am becoming used to good things. I know, old patterns and habits, other people’s viewpoints, are going to try and  creep in and destroy my garden, but I’m not even scared anymore.

I root myself in the knowledge that God is for me and not against me. They are not just words anymore. God is for me and not against me. I know this. I cultivate the garden of my new life through my consistent prayers, deliberate thoughts, and actions that are in alignment with my intentions. I trust. Me, who didn’t trust a soul in the world. I trust that there is more good in the universe than I can comprehend and I allow myself to give and to receive of the good. I allow myself to be protected and Loved. I have seen it already. I have seen miracles already and so I know they exist. I have seen grace already and I even know that even when I feel afraid or doubtful, there is a way out if I just allow it to be.

So today, I am going to be a professional writer again and handle some writing business. I think I will bless my body with some good food and exercise like happy people do and then I will tend to my finances like responsible people do. Then I’ll share something sweet of myself with someone else and even let myself receive like good, loving people do.

I’m going to fake it till I make it, but I know that it is not fake. It is who I already am. I’ve just been out of practice for a while. Thank you God so much for this moment. Thank you…

Day 97

Fake It Till You Make It