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Day 93 – Life Is Easy

January 18, 2012

Just a little over 24 hours in New York. It’s cold. My eyes are tripping out. I have really sensitive eyes and it’s windy over here and something blew in my eyes and now they are all red and watery…. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!

Frustrated. Stayed in a really fancy hotel in Times Square last night and am now downgraded to a room about a quarter of the size of the suite I was in last night (and it’s only $15 dollars cheaper!!!). Long story, but already paid for the rest of the nights in this room and can’t get out of it, and on top of that, they charged my card and held a bunch of my money for “incidentals” so now I’m on a very very tight budget and I have to find cheap food to eat…

Let me see what I can do because I am sinking fast here in this little dark box. OMG. The hotel is supposed to be upscale modern artsy and they got it right in the lobby, but in the room??? AAAAAAAAGHHHHH! There are two walls parallel to each other and both of them have mirrors. So if you open your eyes and sit on the bed or the desk, you are forced to look at two reflective mirrors that just reflect themselves over and over into infinity. And it’s so dark in here, like a lounge!!! Lord help me…

Maybe I am a bit of a drama queen, but I have to get out of here to get some work done. This is just not working…

Man. I’m gonna’ be honest. Today was freaking hard! I had a meeting with an agent today. This was actually not on my plan before I headed out here, so I was excited to get this meeting. She gave me a lot of good information, but she was not bouncing off the walls trying to represent me. I’m supposed to be sending her my work by tomorrow… Rejection or the fear of it is no joke. All this money, all this time  and energy put into this, all the sacrifices and there is the possibility that it may never amount to anything. And if it doesn’t, then what will I do with myself? Get some job with a fancy title? Sigh…

Sorry. Inner strength and inspiration are kaput at the moment. Self-pity and fear seem to be taking over and inner strength is too discouraged to intervene. Mind says something has to be done. Heart is silent… Spirit is silent. Looking for a savior but they say I’m too strong and I don’t need saving… Want to say my prayers but these wood floors are not comfy…

Big meeting tomorrow… Maybe I can move this desk to the other wall so I don’t have to get a headache from looking at these mirrors… What to do God when I don’t know what to do? I have to do something. I’m already here. Should I try to escape this hotel and spend my last dime to go back to the fancy one?

-No. Just do your work. Take that lady’s advice. Submit your script to her and contact the agents she recommended. Just do your work. I didn’t say this was going to be easy. You wanted to step out of your comfort zone, right? You wanted to grow. So just do your work. You don’t have to psyche yourself up or even feel good about it. This time start from the outside, OK? Don’t worry about motivation and feelings. Don’t worry about whether you will be a failure and wasting time or money. Go get some water. Move the desk. Find a group and go running in the morning. Go through your scripts and turn something in before you go to sleep. Just turn it in. It’s good already, OK? I know, the fine New York men are getting to you. You want one but don’t even know which direction to go when it comes to men. Don’t worry about it, OK? Just don’t worry about it, OK? Do the work, keep yourself open and see what happens. Don’t quit now. Give me a chance to make good on My promise. I told you that you are blessed beyond your fondest dreams. Finish what you started and see what happens…

My dear child. Let’s have a moment of silence… What good can come from this situation?

-I have to get out of the room. LOL. I’m being smoked out.

OK. And what good can come from that?

-I can find a place to write and I might meet some cool people.

OK. So let’s start there. Get out of your room. Find some cheap food for your body. Find a place to pray that has carpet like you like. And stop crying. Life is easy, remember? If you could see where it all ends, you would be laughing at this moment. Life is easy. Remember.

Day 93

Life Is Easy

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From → How To Blossom

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