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Day 87 – Don’t Be Scared

January 11, 2012

Good morning. I am up before the sun again. It is becoming a lovely habit. I can have time to rejuvenate and center myself and still start working at sunrise with the rest of the world. My little sister is back and she is her loving, beautiful self again. This vacation did both of us a lot of good…

So shall I tell you what happened yesterday with my experiment in being a blessing? I’m going to share a personal story today and to be honest I have a few reservations about getting personal because people who know me read this blog, but today I’m choosing not to care. I have spent a long time being worried about what people may think and allowing that fear to stop me from doing what I thought was right, but I’m done with that now. Can you imagine? When I was a little girl, people used to tease me and I became so scared of people teasing me or not approving of me that I developed into a shy, reclusive woman, but not anymore! Let them tease if they will. They’re probably all dummies anyway, so there!  I’m surprised it took me so long to write about this topic, but today, I’m going a little farther and choosing not to be scared. Oh, of course I feel scared, but I’m choosing not to be scared in spite of my feelings.

I prayed and meditated yesterday and then I wrote in my blog about being a blessing. Then I decided that one of the blessings I was going to give for that day was that I was going to say a prayer for someone. I had met this guy a little while ago. He’s a kind of popular guy in this town and I had done something really weird and asked him if he wanted to pray with me right after our first meeting, without even knowing anything about him. I just felt compelled to pray with him. To make a long story short, he told me yes, but then after a while I didn’t hear from him. I bugged him about it, but no response. I felt a little rejected and sad about it. I saw that other people were taking his attention and I felt like he had just decided to ignore me. That always hurts. So anyway, yesterday, as one of the blessings I was giving, I sent him an email and I let him off the hook. That was me giving forgiveness. In my heart, I forgave him for not keeping his word. It was actually OK. I need to tell you, this is new for me, being able to let people off the hook and not harbor resentment when they disappoint me even if they don’t say sorry or make amends. I’m going to tell you how I did it. I got this exercise from Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life a long time ago.

I imagined him standing on a stage, looking just as fine and happy as he is. Then I imagined the prettiest, happiest, most successful girl that I know. I picked a woman that looks similar to the woman that my first love cheated on me with a long time ago. You know, that woman that we love to hate because we think she’s better than us. So I saw her in my mind and first I blessed her. I told her it was OK if she’s better than me. It’s OK if someone loves her more than they love me. I gave her permission to be fabulous. Then I saw him and I imagined the two of them together. I imagined that they were deeply in love and successful and happy together. I sat with that for a while until the image didn’t incite any negative feelings in me, and then I blessed them and I forgave him. I told him, “I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you be. I forgive you and I set you free.” And it worked. I wasn’t angry with him. I didn’t feel like he owed me something anymore. I gave him permission to be just as fantastic as he is…

Then I went further and sent him an email. I still wanted to pray for him like I had originally been inspired to do. So I sent a very polite email letting him off the hook and in the email, I wrote a prayer for him. Do you know he wrote me back and thanked me for my prayer, saying it was right on time? Then he opened an invitation to connect in person.

Other things happened yesterday, too. I’ve been scared to talk about the good things that happen to me, too, because sometimes I think that people will hate and not like me anymore, but I’m not scared of the haters now, either. I realize that playing small and not acknowledging the greatness of God and the Universe is blasphemy. I don’t tell these things to brag. I tell these things so people will know that life is miraculous and good. So you will see first-hand that anything can happen and I tell them because I’m proud of myself. I’ve been doing a lot of work here… Someone offered to take me on a shopping spree yesterday, I got a phone call from a long-lost friend, and I found out that my travel plans are going to be easier than I thought. I don’t know if these things are a result of my actions. I’m weary of the philosophy that we can control so much in our world, but I don’t think that everything is a coincidence either.

What I do know, though, is that we are blessed beyond our fondest dreams and that as we find the courage to accept our blessings, as we allow ourselves to do what we are being called to do, as we look our fears in the eye and see them for what they are, just limited perceptions about reality, we are able to do more. We are able to be more. We can walk and know that even if we fall, we won’t die. We can put ourselves on the line and know that even if we are rejected, it will only hurt for a little bit.

Soon we will know that the boogeyman is all in our minds. Soon…

Day 87

Don’t Be Scared

From → How To Blossom

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