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Day 58 – Accept Grace

October 22, 2011

Last night. Great night. Talked to mom. Love mom. Exceptionally genuine, kind and giving woman. Sure she has her own issues, but at the root of it all, she’s pretty amazing. Glad and proud to call her my momma.

Emotional. Fighting sister. No big deal. Over it. Sigh… Got to talk to her. Hard to do. Do it anyway. We love each other. Fighting over nothing is dumb. Need peace in house now. Get over it… It’s OK to be loving with the people you Love.

Men. Loved. Them. All. Cool to see the different directions that we have all grown towards. We are all still growing. No need to hold on anymore. No need to try and build-a-man either. They can be exactly as they want to be. They can be exactly who they want to be. Trying to change people is exhausting…

This time has passed. Sad time is gone. Going through a bit of withdrawal, I know,  but the attachment to sadness is gone. I’m not depressed anymore. I would rather fold my clothes than lay on the bed. I would rather make peace with my sister than try and teach her lessons. I would rather be single than be in relationships that I’m not 100% sure about. I’d rather be happy now. It smells better.

So change is a process. It starts with a thought and then a commitment (whoo, scary word), and then an action that is in alignment with your commitment and then continuous actions that are in alignment with the decision you’ve made. It’s funny because when you are going through changes, you can change yourself, but you can’t make the people around you decide that they want to change, too. They may like where they are, or they may just not be ready to make moves and I am learning to let people be who they are.

I used to tell my students, “worry about yourself and you’ll be just fine”. It’s true. Just do what’s good for you. Not in a selfish way, although the concept seems selfish. Being good to other folks is also good for you.

Today is a good day. The best day I’ve had in a long time, and it hasn’t even started. I know that everything is going to be all right. I mean, I don’t think it, I don’t feel it, I know it.  I allow myself to have this peace. I allow myself to have this Grace. It doesn’t even matter to me, whether I think I am deserving or blah blah blah. The mind is a jokester and I don’t take him seriously. He’s got all kinds of tricks to keep your attention here and there. There is a power higher than the mind, higher than the emotions, and if you can reach that power, the rest is a piece of cake.

I am getting in touch with that power today, call it what you will. It is there whether or not you think you can. It is there whether or not you are feeling good or bad. It is there if you stay on the bed or if you clean out your closet. It is there even if you don’t think you are good enough to have it. It is called Grace, Mannan. It is an attribute of the Divine and it is ours for the having…

Day 58

Accept Grace

One Comment
  1. Anonymous permalink

    This makes me happy.

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