Day 50 – Take Inventory

Good morning world!

I just realized that this is my 50th post, which means I embarked on this journey almost two months ago.

It’s time for a progress report: I guess I’ll start with the thing that led me here first: relationships.

Family – A. My relationships with my family are A – OK and I have finally learned to appreciate my little sister’s presence with me. I am learning a lot with her here and even enjoying her from time to time.

Friends/Romantic – B minus. Much improvement from the “F” that I had when I started this journey. I have finally stopped leading on all of my “almost boyfriends” and consequently my conscience is much clearer. I also stopped hanging out and talking to my “hater” female friends. I’ve opened up to people at work and found out that I work with a bunch of cool creative types like me and I am starting to actually build friendships with grown-up women who are not miserable and bitter! The other day one of my co-workers (also a writer) told me to call her! This is a big deal for me because I haven’t had female friendships with a foundation of mutual good will in a long time…

And romantic? I’m expecting a few of my long-distance exes to show up any time soon. They have been contacting me via the information superhighway and normally they like to do things big, so I wouldn’t be surprised if one or all of them called me any day and told me they were in town. I am faithful enough to release them  completely and give us all real closure now, and I am also finally ready to make a real commitment to and be nice to someone, so I’m expecting to be in a committed romantic relationship some time very soon. In the meantime, I’m practicing being nice, encouraging, sweet, giving and loyal towards men. I am learning to speak their language and stop being mean to them, and the response I’m getting is amazing… I feel really good about this aspect of my life.

Spiritual/Religious – A Plus – My understanding of spiritual principles is constantly growing and I am now implementing them in my life.

Work/Financial – C Minus – I’m still ridiculously underemployed, but I am able to eat as I please, keep a roof over my head and get where I need to go. This aspect needs the most improvement, and I think my financial success is going to come as I do the work I am called to do. Some people’s lives are just like that. I now have enough confidence to believe that I actually can be a writer (among other things) and I am finishing projects that have been sitting on the shelf for years! Next week’s agenda: I am going to get an industry professional (and a few others) to read and critique my two scripts and then I am going to start shopping them around!!!

So, my overall average is a straight “B”. I can live with that for now. I am in a state of excited anticipation and I am able to get off the bed every day and get things done. I am also excited about learning how to communicate with the world outside of my head and develop healthy relationships with people. I am getting used to being mentally and emotionally stable and it is becoming easier for me to make decisions that are good for me.

As to add, I’m noticing how we get used to things in life, whether bad or good. We get used to being sad or lonely or rich or poor. We get used to drama and we get used to not expecting much from life or expecting that life should be grand. If your life is not going the way that you would like it to go, then maybe it’s time to take inventory and see what you have gotten used to. Yes, it is your fault, not theirs. You chose to be in a certain relationship, and not go after your dreams or not even take the time to figure out what they are. You chose to develop a habit that you knew wasn’t good for you. You chose to lie to yourself and others. You chose to settle for less than you knew you could be because you were scared, because you didn’t believe that you could have good things. It’s OK. But own up to it.

Now your unfulfilled life has become a habit. You have gotten used to being unfulfilled, so much so that you think “Hungry Man” tastes like real steak. It’s your fault. Own up to it. You did it. Now forgive yourself, make a change, and move on…

Day 50

Take Inventory