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Day Five – Keep Moving

July 29, 2011

Well, I was really looking forward to moving on to the “and then some” part, but I cried again today! LOL.

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. How it is possible to break up with an ex, I don’t know… but I had been holding on to the possibility of being with a man for a long time now, even though I am never quite sure whether or not we are “together”. He lives in another country but we met in L.A. When we met he said it was love at first sight. I wasn’t into him at first, but he won me over with his words on the telephone and I actually fell in Love. We had the same life goals, the same rhythm when we talked, he was rich and he prayed a lot and it was quite easy for me to imagine spending forever with him and traveling to the ends of the Earth by his side.  I wanted to Love him so badly and I was loyal to him even in my thoughts…

I wish I could tell you (or myself) what happened. It would make things easier. But the truth is, I don’t know. He just wouldn’t come see me and he wouldn’t let me come see him. Although he talked about the wonderful things he would do (be a wonderful father, support me in my career, start a business together, pray and cook together, and even go dancing!), none of them came to pass, and I got tired of listening to his wonderful lies… Maybe he’s schizophrenic. Maybe I’ll never know.

I also found out that I lost my “uninhabitable living conditions” trial and I may very well have to move out of my apartment in the very near future. I will find out the details tomorrow.

My brother’s car also got stolen today, and I was planning to ask him for a ride when I start working again in a couple of weeks…

So I cried a lot today because it was hard for me to breathe all day and I’d like to stay in Cali and I’d like to live in a place that’s comfortable and I’d like to have a constant flow of income and a healthy happy relationship with a man I love, and oh yeah, I’d really like to be a writer. And none of those things seemed possible today.

I did do one thing that made me proud, though, after the day-long pity party. I finished writing my outline for my script. I have been talking about finishing this script for over four years now, so this is a big deal. Tomorrow, Insha ‘Allah, I’ll write at least ten pages and I’ll send out a query letter to a publishing company for my children’s book.

I guess I could either get back on the bed and cry my life away, settle for something easy and just numb out the dreams I’ve had, or keep moving. I’ve got nowhere to go but up, so I guess I’ll keep moving. Thanks for reading.

Day Five

Keep Moving.

One Comment
  1. H.Riley permalink

    Every thing u can get from somone else u can give to urself keep loven u happily then later u can happily love another. when its hard to SEE thur tears; breath just stop crying for one moment!! open up ur chest bones; take in the blessings the universe has for u . Breathing is ur joy get it & feel good cause ur life does depend on it! Ur income is coming get in front it ! WAY WILL work it self out! u got skills a J O B ur a WRITER! thats the way it is! it’s ur life & what u are ! catch up with ur self. Remember ur faith it say; know!! not believe; that every lil thing gona be alright. Catch up with ur blessings & much love on the soon to be; birth of ur nu book. Yeah we got move ment. I got off the bed walked past the couch; that chair; SO if u do one wonderfilled thing afther another!! ((cause thats what u doing!! your doing a wonderfilled things)) then u can do any thing ! !

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