Day 595 – Keep Going. Follow Through

Interesting things happening… I just reread my last blog entry, which was seventeen days ago… I am sitting in a place with a group of friends, doing work.

I am in the elitist corner of a center. I usually don’t like sitting in elitist corners. I like to be amongst the people and mingle with them. I recognize that about myself. I am an elitist, but not really. Really, I like to be around normal people.

So I went back and reread my last blog entry because I wasn’t sure what I’m focusing on at this point in my life. And it is funny, because I am actually focusing on exactly what I wrote in my last blog entry. A week ago, I started a gathering. Twice a week, I meet with community members and we sit down for two hours and get work done. I am at that gathering now. About four to six people generally show up.

This week, one person in the gathering wanted to be sequestered in the elitist area. Another person wanted to be out in the open mingling with the crowd. I generally like to be out in the open mingling with the commoners. It’s marketing and it allows for an openness to meet other people. But one of the people who really wanted to support me seems to be very sensitive to public spaces and outsiders. This person wanted to meet in the quiet elitist area. So I am here with them in elite world. It works for now, but I do notice that the energy is different. It is inside energy. This is not the energy that you take outside to the world.

I am noticing energy. That is totally not what I had intended to write this blog about, but now it is. Energy. How energy impacts us. How our energy impacts others. My ex. My current living situation. These are the things on my mind.

And suddenly a wave of grief overcomes me. Because this part of life is ending soon. I am dying… This has been a very, very good part of life. These past four and half months have been some of the best months of my life. Can you believe? I’m sitting with a group of friends doing work. There is no pressure or meanness or expectation. There is kindness. This is mostly all I ever wanted in my life… And today, two other friends arrived. One of them is one of my favorite people in the world…

And my ex… Well, I don’t think I should write about him here for now. But I will say that I took action on my thoughts in the last blog. And I saw that there is a big difference between having an intention for anything in life and the intention being mutual. And there is the need for discernment when going towards something that isn’t going towards you… Do you keep walking in that direction? Do you say that you only go towards what goes towards you and stop going in a particular direction if the feeling isn’t mutual? Do you generalize the intention and just say you want a general thing and pick whatever shows up?

These are my questions within myself at the moment. I wrote my previous blog entry. And then I got guidance on which direction to go in life. And then new circumstances presented themselves and some of the things I chose did not choose me in the ways I wanted. And so I got shaky, which is where you find me tonight. Doubtful about what direction I should keep going in.

And my inner voice says “Keep going. Follow through in the direction I guided you on.” And that is the truth. That is all I came here to write.

Good night, y’all. Keep going. Follow through in the direction you were guided on. Keep your word to yourself.

Ameen.

Good night.

Day 595

Keep Going. Follow Through