Day 584 – Know… Sweet Warrior, Know

I woke up this morning with the idea “I don’t know”. I can’t post this until I finish my action items from yesterday, though, which was to finish doing the clothes in my closet. My mind tells me I don’t know how to make it through this time of my life.

So many different ideas float through. The idea that I can’t trust anyone floated through in my meditation today. The idea of war… I grew up in a warrior’s culture. I suppose most of the world is this way. What is funny and sad is that most people don’t like living in a warrior’s culture, but we teach our children how to survive in a warrior’s culture, as we should, but never teach them or even give them the idea that the world could be something different. And so we never learn to trust each other. We never learn to be trustworthy. We never learn to be at source of creating our reality, but only learn how to survive in the world we inherited. We never learn how to create a new world.

My housemate is here. I still kind of hate his guts. He plays angry preaching sermons all morning. The pastor yells about all the evils in the world and how to protect yourself from them. He cooked breakfast this morning. For the past month, we had made an agreement that he was supposed to cook breakfast and I was supposed to cook dinner. He only cooked breakfast twice – because he had decided that he doesn’t eat breakfast anymore and only eats starting at noon. So forget about me and my breakfast. I finally got sick of rushing home every night to cook elaborate meals for him. If I was by myself, I’d eat out and eat different things that are easier to cook. I had a conversation with him about him not keeping his agreement. He apologized. Said he would keep his agreement and cook breakfast from now on. The next day? He didn’t. Told me I should understand because he woke up late (at noon). The next day, he didn’t cook breakfast. Told me I should understand because he want to work early. I just happened to have been sick on that day and was totally over him. The third day, at around 11:42am, he was in his room, and I messaged him and told him this cooking agreement didn’t seem to be working and we needed to see what we could do about it. He came out to talk to me about it. Said he had just planned to go and cook breakfast when he saw my message. Told me that I should understand because he woke up late.

So then I asked him what time he planned on cooking breakfast, since he generally doesn’t get up before noon, and that makes it lunch time. He couldn’t give me a time. Started telling me how I should understand why he hadn’t cooked so far. Making excuses. I was thoroughly fed up (said and thought with a native accent). Told him to leave me alone. Sent him a message saying that my new agreement with him is that I will keep my agreement when he keeps his. If he doesn’t cook breakfast, I ain’t cooking no dinner for him. I didn’t cook dinner…. He came home and made dinner for both of us. He doesn’t know how to cook anything, so it was sandwiches. This morning, he cooked breakfast.

This is the warrior world I find myself in, where kindness is seen as weakness and one must demand consideration and good treatment and give harsh consequences before they receive love and care.

This is not the warrior world I want to be in… I didn’t know this is what this blog was coming to. This is not the warrior world I want to be in. And my spirit says, “vision it and create it”.

This is what it has been leading me to. The world I want to be in is full of joy. High vibrations. But I come from a warrior culture. The thought on my mind today was “Know”.

Always, we are looking for guidance outside of ourselves. Other people’s books, other people’s ideas, authority figures, counselor’s, therapists, etc, etc, in order to know what to do. Where do those people get their knowledge? How do they know what to do? And what happens if they are not around? Shouldn’t there be a time when we read the books, see the counselor’s, learn, and then we, too, know what to do and teach others? I am asking this question of myself.

I am asking myself how to use my warrior heritage to fight for the world and the life I envision. I am asking myself what the solution is to this stupid dynamic between me and housemate. “Cut it out”, is the answer that comes quick. He had become the center of your focus. Cut it out. Let him be. He is not your partner. You are not equally yoked by any form or fashion. You have helped each other grow, and that is your purpose in each other’s life. You have opened him to know how to love more and he has closed you and taught you boundaries and focus. Let the gift be exchanged and give thanks for it.

And now your focus is Love. You have proven to yourself that you can fight. But you have always known that you can fight… Take all your things back and let go of everything that isn’t yours. Let go of everything that is not love, and pay attention to everything that is. Love is here now, even in this moment. So appreciate it. Let stupid face be stupid. Or nice. Or whatever. But don’t give too much energy to his shenanigans.

This is the lesson of your life, you know? Be grateful. What is the lesson, you ask? To Be Of Source. Because you are a born Leader. There is no escaping it. It is who you are. It is why life has been so hard for you. No, you don’t fit in here. You were never made to fit in. You were made to come with new things. And you have not fit in because you have been trying to fit in instead of recognizing that your mission is to bring new things. New things that other people’s spirits are also wanting. Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love and Love.

And you, my sweet warrior? This can be more than words. This can be more than a blog. This can be a life. Yes, your entire life can change. Your entire life is changing. Do it on purpose now. Be a warrior for your life. Figure out what that looks like. What does it look like? What does Sovereignty look like for you? What does it look like to be a mother? How does it feel to be the boss? You are the boss, you know. Stop being afraid of it. Release the associations the world has given you. Boss does not mean lonely. Boss does not mean hated. Boss does not mean harshness and judgment always.

You give these experiences to yourself. Boss means Love. Boss means Love. I know you don’t understand yet that God Loves you and life Loves you because life has been kicking your butt. But understand that life meaning is what you give it. Can you understand that? Life’s meaning is what you give it.

Try and see where life is loving you. Like in this moment. Where you have time and space to read a blog. To write a blog. In this moment. You have time and space to figure things out. In this moment. You have the resources to buy food or grow food and you have cooked food in the kitchen. This moment. You have shelter from the cold. This moment. Your brain works. This moment. Just appreciate what is here and see how more comes.

I will be here more this month. Happy, joyous June!

Know… Sweet Warrior, Know.

Day 584

Know… Sweet Warrior, Know