Day 580 – The Miracle (Use Your Words) (A New Story)

He told me to use my words. This was the miracle if I chose it to be. Write my story how I want it to be…

A new story. Part of me struggles to let go of the old. Part of me doesn’t believe. But the deeper part of me knows that this is the direction we have been going all our lives and if we choose, we will have arrived in a new place.

I have to close my eyes to choose. There is a man at the dining room table in my apartment. He brought flowers in the apartment for me yesterday. Sponsored groceries last night and I bought spaghetti fixins and yesterday he and his brother – my best friend – brought water for me, which I am drinking this morning.

I am happy. I was going to say I have no reason, but actually, I do. I am supported and Loved. I was going to say I don’t know how to receive this, but I am cognizant of using my words. I do. I do know how to receive this. Like this. With eyes closed. Taking in the good. Milking this moment.

The good is that I am not alone… My friend told me to start life in the present and stop referring to the past as a reference point, and it’s a habit I’ll have to learn how to break.

In the present, my Best Friend is here and we are best friends again after so much turmoil between us. I’ve missed him. We don’t hate each other any more. His presence is helping me. We talked out our issues. They are over. And I am full of Love and gratitude for a friend who helps me clean my kitchen, and whose presence gets me off the couch and bed and makes me do what’s needed to be active in the world.

And in the present, my friend has also brought his brother with him. A gypsy beautiful man full of songs that sound like bubbles. He brings flowers, takes up space with fairy energy, and asks how you sleep. They are both protectors and providers. They are taking care of me. They listen to my guidance and allow me to help them as well.

They don’t hate me. They want me to win because they think that if I win, then they win. And it is true. I don’t know if this has ever happened in my life and so I am intentionally taking it in…

I am surrounded by beautiful men. A dream come true…

My friend said to use my words. And who is my friend, you ask. MY PEOPLE! From years ago. I wanted him to marry me and be my baby daddy, but he didn’t do that. But guess what he did do? He stuck around. He’s been around for years. Advising me. Helping me. Giving tangible support. Being a solid example that I can be Loved and cared for. He has been so consistent that guess what? I’m starting t believe him.

I cleaned out my bathroom today so my new angel brother won’t have to bathe in filth. It smells really good now. I am glad to have people around who make me get up and do the stuff I always wanted to do just by their presence.

I set boundaries this morning. The men wanted to talk to me and I said no. Told them my usual schedule. They honored and respected it. I will happily engage with them once done doing what I need to do. I’ve never been able to do this before. Most people in my life have never responded to my boundaries and my need to put energy into my own intentions with positivity before…

I won’t write too long because there’s much to do today…

My friend said to use my words to create a miracle in my life. He said I’d been creating all the stories I’ve already lived, and now I can create a new one. I can command a miracle. I know. It sounds blasphemous. A less blasphemous way to put it would be to say that I can make inspired definite plans and intentions, follow through with them, stay focused, set boundaries and watch my life unfold. It has already been happening these past few months.

Or I could approach this magically and say I’m writing a new story about my life. I like the magic part and I will integrate the planning stuff into this as well.

So, in the magic world, this woman, who goes by the name Laydie and other names, crosses over on this day. She didn’t think it was possible. Her life had been so bad for so long that peace and fulfillment had just become far out dreams never to be hers. But somehow, God had mercy on her. Fate had mercy on her. She must have done something good. Maybe it was the blessing of that albino boy that she was nice to years ago before she even knew that she was a pretty girl and folks expected her to be mean to people who looked a certain way… Maybe it was the hug she gave that teen many years ago when he was suffering… Maybe it was her helping her mean neighbor clear out the estate of his dead mom and not returning his meanness with meanness.

As stories generally have an instigation, I believe it was the awful, painful, mean, shitty year she had been through and her facing death every month. I believe it was the phone call she got where someone she loved finitely and had wanted approval from most of her life said “You are bad” that fed her quite the f*uck up. She finally realized that she’s just not that bad and this bullshit life was enough.

Life forced her to process her pain. And she did. She felt it. She cried. She writhed. She yelled. She prayed. She begged. And finally, she surrendered.

And this is where we find her in the story. Surrendered. With three people in her apartment using her apartment just the way she intended – one in the room, one in the dining room, and her in her makeshift living room office – all doing their own work, she recognized a miracle as it happened.

She had prayed for this. She had intended this. It was manifesting. The energy was good. And three people who had been starving for mutual good will, community and productivity… and might I mention Love, ease and a bit of spice, were experiencing.

The girl, me – the woman who kept calling herself a girl but in this moment decided to call herself girl no more and identify as woman goddess – The woman goddess Laydie chose to know the way to accept miracles. The woman goddess Laydie chose to live a miracle now. I chose to live a miracle now.

This is the part of my life where things turn around. I triumph. I am triumphing. I am no longer facing the world. Who is the world? People just like me. I have a say in how it goes. So the world now faces me, too. My will. My energy. My power is restored. And I use it for my own benefit, for I know that my own benefit inevitably benefits millions – yes, I said millions – of people.

What does it look like in a very mundane way? How does a miracle manifest day to day? For me, I complete my clean-up today. Did I mention that my apartment is clean and organized and people call it beautiful when they visit? But there are few things to do. I follow-up on a phone call to check if lead is in my apartment, which will ensure I’m environmentally safe. I follow-up on a phone call to see about some rent things to make sure I have housing. I follow-up on a submission – is it today, God? Yes, it is today. I follow up on a submission of my work to someone who wants to read it. That is the miracle for today.

I speak with my men protectors and we make a plan.

The miracle is here. And this time, I receive it… Ameen.

Day 580

The Miracle (Use Your Words) (A New Story)