Day 153 – Building A Life
Back in my Cali apartment…
I’m actually all right with being here. I’m proud of myself. My apartment doesn’t feel sad. It feels clean and fresh and open. That’s a big change for me.
I saw my sis and her husband yesterday. I don’t want to talk about them or any of that, though. I want to talk about something I just realized as I was meditating this morning. Life starts on the inside…
This morning, I realized that, among other things, I am strong. I have been avoiding being strong for quite some time, because I associated being strong with people being mean to me and always having too much responsibility and people taking me for granted. And I had discovered that when you are weak, people have lower expectations for you. So, I had been pretending that I am weak for some time.
But this morning, as I was meditating on the truth, I recognized that I’m not weak. I’m strong. And that’s just it…
I feel like I have a lot to offer this morning, but it’s not coming out right. This is my second time writing this blog, and I’m going to try again, intentional and deliberate this time.
Can I do that, God? Can I be intentional and deliberate and still be free flowing? Great. I meditated this morning and I found the place where you speak in me and You are still very present, and so I asking to please speak through my fingers and make this inspiration that I am feeling clear to me and others…
But you are not talking, and You say that You do not talk. I talk. You provide the inspiration and then I set the intention. I love when we can dialogye like this, God.
Can i lay my worries down for a bit and talk about important things? Can I plug into the truth of the universe and flow with it? I am feeling playful and alive and I don’t know how on Earth I am feeling this way given my current situation, but I’m gonna flow with.
Today, I am going to pretend that anything is possible. I’ll take off the victim hat now. I think I’d like to experience some peace, harmony, love, and abundance now. You say I set the intention, right? So let’s do this. Let’s practice faith. What else are we gonna do? Cry about everything.
No more of that. Let’s practice faith even if we are crying, because really, we can’t control the things we can’t control. I taught yoga to young children for a brief period of time and I remember I taught them this song “My mind’s made up with everything thought. To do the best I can with what I’ve got!”
I’m gonna do that today. Now you know this is just talk God. Can you help me please so that I can move from talk to action? Things in me and things in the world scare me sometimes and I want to retreat to my bed and my room. Can you help me so that when I get scared, I can still remember that anything is possible or I can at least pretend that I believe that and figure out a course of action from that foundation?
I’m back in Cali and from where I am, I have to build a life. I see the gift in this now, the gift in having to start from zero. If you can start from zero and build the kind of life you want for yourself, then you become able to walk with confidence in any situation. This is where faith comes from. This is where spiritual strength comes from. This is the good stuff, so thank you, God, for this good stuff that I am learning.
The sun is already up and the day is buzzing. My intention today is to take at least one step in the direction of: peace, harmony, abundance, and love, and I already know what I’m going to do. Peace: talk to sis about a conflict we had. Harmony: talk to one of my friends that I’m rebuilding a harmonious relationship with. Abundance: apply for a better job and submit one writing submission. Love: I’m looking forward to giving someone a great big hug today and receiving that person’s embrace.
Reaching out into the world, into the many layers of connectivity that bind us all. Peace, harmony, abundance and love is my foundation for the day. Building a life again. Intentional this time. Strong and kind on purpose. Giving and receiving on purpose. Compassionate. Building a life from the qualities you build from, God… My life is a good life. My life is a peaceful life. My way is a holy way. My experience is love.
Accepting that I am worthy of it all…
Building A Life